Review: Vegan Mince Pies

Let me assist you with your festive (vegan and/or gluten-free) mince pie making (or baking) decisions.

Hello friends,

A few people suggested I do a mince pie review in time for Christmas but I’d rather review tofu and I don’t want to review that either. Yet here we are, because I’m curious, stupid and I can’t turn down a challenge. This means the vegan chocolate review you may (or more likely may not) be anticipating will be with you in January.

The only mince pies I actually ‘like’ are my mother in laws’ and Waitrose vegan mince pies, which are delicious and so moreish I think I’ve only just finally shed the pounds they added last Christmas, which might give you an indication of how many I ate.

Now I spoke briefly in my last post about how there seems to be fewer vegan options out there at the moment and I suspect vegan mince pies have become victim to the cull. Because I can’t find M&S Plant Kitchen mince pies anywhere and the Waitrose vegan ones I used to buy are no longer. What I found instead were Waitrose Freefrom mince pies, which are both gluten free and vegan and let me tell you how much I prayed to the vegan gods that they didn’t taste like sadness and despair. Because on the rare occasion I do subject myself to tart gritty fruit encased in sugar-encrusted pastry, I now need it to be gluten-free. I have always ignored my body’s cues because I have zero impulse control and suffer the consequences severely. Gluten is delicious but not my friend. With the regular options I had a bite of each and hoped I could exercise every tiny ounce of self-control I have on the off chance I actually enjoyed them.

Surprisingly, when I went shopping the majority of the vegan options I found were both gluten free and vegan which I was delighted by, even if it was naively. It reminded me of a time when if a restaurant didn’t have a vegan option they would immediately offer a gluten-free option instead thinking they’re comparable. So why not put the two together and feed anyone with a special dietary requirement the same thing?

Before I get going, if you’d like to watch a proper food influencer review several non-vegan and gluten filled mince pies from all the mainstream supermarkets, you can watch that here:

harrisonwebb97

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Right, let’s get to it.

Vegan

Waitrose Essential

Price: £1.70 for 6 - 28.3p each

Thoughts: Surprisingly delicious for the essential range and accidentally vegan. The pastry was buttery, crumbly and vaguely reminiscent of the many I binge ate last year. The mincemeat was well balanced and not too sweet. Absolutely no complaints.

Rating: 4/5  - delicious

Would I buy them again? If I could ignore the side effects yes I would.

Greggs

Price: 65p each

Thoughts: The pressure to enjoy these was immense. The pastry was delicious though slightly firmer than anticipated which can easily be rectified with some custard. I wasn’t a huge fan of the filling but appreciated the fact it wasn’t too sweet and they were still infinitely better than some of the others I tried. I did not get as excited as the hoards* of people flooding my inbox telling me how fantastic they were so let’s put that down to my unsophisticated palate.

Rating: 3/5

Would I buy them again? Yes. I particularly like the fact you can buy them individually giving us half a chance to moderate our Christmas treat intake.

*three

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Vegan & Gluten Free  

Sainsbury’s Taste The Difference

Price: £3.25 or 9 mini pies - 36p each

Thoughts: My nostrils flared immediately in disgust. I naively had high hopes but they were dashed as I almost broke my teeth on these dumb bricks. The pastry was dense and tough and the mincemeat was far too sweet. Despite only being tiny they packed the wrong kind of punch.

Rating: 0/5 – They have no redeeming features other than their size and even that’s not worth a point.

Would I buy them again? They’re cute but no.

Tesco FreeFrom

Price: £1.80 for 4 - 45p each

Thoughts: I’m just sitting here thinking about how sad being gluten free is and this little shit reminded me of the hideous hockey puck masquerading as a vegan (and possibly gf) scone I had at Fortnum and Mason earlier this year.

The pastry was so dry and chalky I needed a litre of water to force it down due to its reluctance to head south. As such I’d already forgotten the mincemeat but my friend, assume it was bad.

Rating: 0/5

Would I buy them again? Not if you paid me.

Sainsburys FreeFrom

Price: £2.00 for 4 - 50p each

Thoughts: These were hard and sad and were way too much effort to eat. We are not doing well here.

Rating: 1/5

Would I buy them again? I would rather make small talk with drunk hipsters at their office Christmas party.

Waitrose freefrom

Price: £2.75 for 4 - 68.8p each

Thoughts: So perfectly formed and rock hard I thought it was a prop. The caster sugar sprinkled on top just adds to a texture I never want to experience again. Ew.

Rating: 1/5

Would I buy them again? I am having a terrible time and need to stop asking myself this question because I’m setting myself up to fail. No.

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Mince Meat

I decided to try a couple of jars of mincemeat too and made some gluten-free pies at home.

M&S Collection

Price: £3.25 for 510g - 63.7p per 100g

Flavour: Brandy & Clementine

Thoughts: I opened the jar and got drunk on the fumes. The smell is unmistakably of Christmas. Tastes sweet and very boozy. Though after baking I found the alcohol too overwhelming, probably because I haven’t had a drink in almost five years and even a vague waft gives me the fear.

Rating: 2/5

Would I buy them again? Too much booze for me but don’t let that put you off.

Robertsons

Price: £2.20 for 411g - 53.5g per 100g

Flavour: Classic

Thoughts: This smelt and tasted very sweet but was definitely the more tolerable of the two when baked. Not overpowering and actually quite well balanced.

Rating: 3/5

Would I buy them again? No because it’s going to take me a minute to get through the jars I’ve got.

Rustic was the look I was going for and they tasted infinitely better than all the gf free options. *hair toss*

To summarise:

Waitrose Essential were the best of the bunch and full of gluten like all the best tasting things in life are. Other than Greggs individual pies which were also very good the rest can get in the bin (they wont, my husband will eat them all in record time because he has as much self control a I do). I would rather do without any mince pie than have something that makes me mad. And gluten-free shop bought baked goods are usually very depressing. Incidentally I made my daughter six jam tarts at the same time knowing she wouldn’t eat the mince pies, but she didn’t like them, so I ate the jam tarts all in one go to cheer myself up because this is the kind of person I am and why I can’t have nice things.

Merry Christmas!