Review: Vegan Chocolate Part 1

A tough job but someone had to do it.

Look, it’s arguable that I should’ve got this review out in time for Christmas but chocolate is for life, so here it is, a few weeks later and as an antidote to all the January detox nonsense possibly floating around your feeds.

This review gave me so much joy that it was virtually impossible to be cynical about it because we have so. much. choice. It wasn’t long ago I was adamant I needed to refine my own chocolate bar recipe (here if you’re interested) because I was underwhelmed at the options available and I couldn’t do without my bar of nut filled goodness, even if it was using dark chocolate.

I blinked and the varieties that have seemingly appeared overnight (it was longer than that but I wasn’t looking), seem to cater to all of our chocolate tastes and I am THRILLED. So much so I tried to buy as many of the options as possible that people suggested, except the one only available in such a large quantity it was going to cost me £80.

So extensive was this taste test (not even a tiny bit mad about it), I have split it into two parts because we’ve got twenty types to get through.

My friends, enjoy.

Tony’s Chocoloney

Price: £3.00 for 180g -  £1.67 per 100g

Flavour: Dark. Creamy hazelnut crunch

Thoughts: Despite trying sporadically for the years I’ve been vegan, neither my teeth nor my nerves are strong enough for this perfectly fun and unevenly shaped brick. And I wish they were. I found it a bit sweet, probably because as well as the sugar in the chocolate, the hazelnuts are caramelised adding additional and in my opinion unnecessary sweetness. And while I searched desperately for the aforementioned creaminess, I found none.

Rating: 2/5

Would I Buy it again? Seven years ago I would’ve eaten it happily and desperately, but not any more.  

M&S

Price: £2.10 for 100g

Flavour: Milk. Hazelnut

Thoughts: It’s creamy and soft. There’s another bar in this range with actual nut pieces, which is what I thought I’d bought. While it doesn’t pack a massive punch and is lacking in substance it’s reasonably inoffensive. The fact it’s milk chocolate is a bonus.

Rating: 2/5

Would I Buy it again? I find the monotony of chocolate alone too much to bear so I wouldn’t. But the one with hazelnut pieces I could happily add to my weekly food shop and increase my rating significantly.

Nomo

Price: 80p for 38g - £2.10 for 100g

Flavour: Milk. Caramel

Thoughts: I am not a fan of caramel. The only caramel I could condone was the purple chocolate in the Roses tin because there was a hazelnut in the centre. This bar of Nomo tastes exactly like that just without the nut. It’s amazing that a bar of vegan chocolate tastes exactly like non-vegan chocolate and for that I am extremely grateful. Having options is the best thing in the world.

Rating: 3.5/5

Would I Buy it again? If I liked caramel, yes I absoloutely would.

Green & Blacks

Price: £2.60 for 90g - £2.89 per 100g

Flavour: Dark. Hazelnut and currant

Thoughts: Like a posh fruit and nut. Nice balance, not too bitter. Nice sized nut pieces. Not too sweet.

Rating: 3/5

Would I Buy it again? I’m not a fan of fruit in my chocolate but if no other chocolate exists I would take one for the team and devour this.

Galaxy Orange

Price: £3 for 100g

Flavour: Orange

Thoughts: Tastes like shit chocolate but has the audacity not to be priced as such. Very thin, breaks easily and all I could taste was sugar.

Rating: 1/5 - a single point for merely existing.

Would I Buy it again? Do yourself a favour and pour white sugar directly into your mouth instead and have an orange juice chaser. No.

Monty Bojangles

Price: £5.50 for 180g £3.06 per 100g

Flavour: Cocoa nib

Thoughts: The firmest truffles I’ve ever eaten, with an enjoyable crunch from the cocoa nib. You get 19 in the pack individually wrapped, which is a waste of packaging but each stays fresh as a result.

Rating: 3/5

Would I Buy it again? Sure, they were fine and inoffensive enough. Slightly too hard for me to consider them a truffle. Still, they were fun to eat and I will keep them on the back burner because for the price you are generously rewarded, if you have more self-control than me.

Lindt

Price: £3.40 for 100g

Flavour: Milk. Hazelnut

Thoughts: Excellent nut distribution and nice and thin, just how I like it. Tastes like a bog standard bar of milk chocolate that you eat absent-mindedly, watching Saturday night telly, momentarily forgetting that you’re vegan. Wonderfully, it doesn’t taste like someone’s trying too hard.

Rating: 4/5

Would I Buy it again? I will and I have, more than I’d like to admit.

Forest Feast

Price: £3.30 per 120g - £2.75 per 100g

Flavour: Salted dark chocolate almonds

Thoughts: This sexy little pouch has 11g of protein so it’s essentially a health food, which is my justification for always eating a whole pack in one go. I am obsessed. The salt offsets the sugar. The nuts are always perfectly crunchy. The chocolate is rich and I would bathe in these if I could. Just don’t buy the snack-sized pouches as they are terrible value for money.

Rating: 5/5

Would I Buy it again? I’ve got two packs in the cupboard tempting me every time I open it. Yes.

Viviani

Price: £3.39 for 100g

Flavour: Dark. Almond

Thoughts: This is grown up chocolate and the sexy little beast wooed me. This is the kind of chocolate that is so rich you only need a little at a time (haha). This is smooth and seductive, slightly on the bitter side and featuring whole almonds with the skins left on. It’s delicious and would be best saved for special occasions.

Rating: 4/5

Would I Buy it again? Absoloutely.

Hip

Price: £2.65 for 70g - £3.79 per 100g

Flavour: Salted caramel

Thoughts: I found this bar to be too overwhelmingly sweet for me. But if you like salted caramel it’s pretty fun.

Rating: 2/5

Would I Buy it again? If I liked salted caramel, sure.

That’s it for now. Thoughts so far? Any you love or hate from this list? I will be back with the second half next week.

To be continued…