Review: Vegan Cheese Crisps

We all know crisps are a UPF, even if they’re made from lentils.

Crisps, up until I had children were my greatest joy. My saturated fat intake was high purely because of the salty fried potato snack that I consumed in excess. I was obsessed. Becoming vegan meant I could no longer eat my favourite flavours and I was in mourning for years. Crisp manufacturers adding milk powder to flavours that didn’t even have cheese in sent me into a rage and I had to hunt out new flavours, none of which quite hit the spot. I have reduced my consumption considerably (and reluctantly), committed to setting a better example for my children but the need for a decent cheese crisp to rival Tyrells, or Pipers or even Walkers remained.

I initially thought it would be slim pickings out there but I’ve managed to pull together eleven, yes eleven(!) versions of vegan cheese crisps (even if some of them are made from questionable ingredients). As much as the buzz around veganism seems to be dwindling and vegan influencers are dropping like flies, we still have a more than healthy stash to chose from. And that is great.

When I’m eating crisps I don’t care about calories or protein or health. I want a tasty snack that is satisfying and fun, so for that reason I’m not including the ingredients list. We all know crisps are a UPF, even if they’re made from lentils.

Right, here we go…

His mission was unsuccessful

Tesco Freefrom tortilla chips

Price: £1.10 for 200g/55p per 100g.

Stockist: Tesco.

Type: Nacho cheese tortilla chips.

USP: Gluten, wheat and milk free.

Thoughts: I eat these quite often because they’re sold at the Tesco at the end of my street. They’re the cheap dirty kind of cheese and a bit much after a handful but they’re perfect to go alongside a chilli.

Rating: 3/5

Would I buy them again? My daughter loves them so, yes.

Tesco Freefrom cheese balls

Price: £1.40 for 150g/93p per 100g.

Stockist: Tesco.

Type: Cheese ball snacks.

USP: Gluten, wheat and milk free.

Thoughts: Absolute filth. I had high hopes for these but I was so overwhelmed by the stench they went uneaten as no one else in my family liked them either. The texture and size are great but that’s where my compliments end. Tone it down a bit yeah, Tesco?

Rating: 1/5

Would I buy them again? Only if I lose my sense of smell.

Tesco cheese and onion crisps

Price: £1.25 for 150g/83p per 100g.

Stockist: Tesco.

Type: Cheese and red onion hand cooked crisps.

USP: Gluten, wheat and milk free.

Thoughts: Trying them along with the other options they were too heavy on the onion powder (the third ingredient behind potato and oil!) but eating them to console myself at 9pm in bed at my in-laws after my nine-month-old cried all the way up the A1, they were delicious. A couple found in bed the next morning did not disappoint. It’s also bold of Tesco to suggest there are six servings in the packet when I got through a bag alone in less than fifteen minutes but there we go.

Rating: 4/5

Would I buy them again? The baby cried all the way home too so off I go.

Mister Free’d tortilla chips

Price: £2 for 135g/£1.48 per 100g

Stockist: Ocado, Waitrose, Sainsbury’s, Holland & Barratt, Whole Foods, Planet Organic and lots of independents.

Type: Tortilla chips with ‘cheezie cheese'.

USP: Gluten free and high in fibre.

Thoughts: Despite the cheesiness being a bit overpowering, they’re a bold, robust, confident chip and a very solid offering.

Rating: 3/5

Would I buy them again? To eat with other things, yes.

Kettle Chips Cheese flavour

Price: £2.42 for 130g/£1.86 per 100g

Stockist: Asda is the only supermarket along with some independents, apparently. If you know of any, let me know.

Type: Cheese and red onion sharing crisps.

USP: The brand is a USP enough.

Thoughts: Despite being unimpressed by the assumption that I’m going to share, these are the OG and absolutely delicious. No notes.

Rating: 5/5

Would I buy them again? If I lived closer to an Asda, I would buy them daily. Which could be dangerous but I like living on the edge.

Simply Roasted

Price: £2.50 for 93g/£2.69 per 100g

Stockist: Ocado. They used to sell them in Waitrose too but I haven’t seen them for a while.

Type: Triple cooked potato chips.

USP: Low calorie and under 50% less fat.

Thoughts: Crunchy, delicately cheesy and very, very good.

Rating: 4/5

Would I buy them again? I have. Often.

Nudie

Price: £2.50 for 80g/£3.13 per 100g

Stockist: Asda, Holland & Barratt, Whole Foods, Primark, Planet Organic

Type: Cauliflower crisps.

USP: Crisps, but made from Cauliflower.

Thoughts: I was all ready to roll my eyes at a ‘healthy’ option but they tasted better than expected. Though several points deducted for the added sugar.

Rating: 2/5

Would I buy them again? I’m not in a hurry to but if I wanted sweet, cheesy, cauliflower snacks, I’d consider it.

Holland and Barratt cheesy plant puffs

Price: £3.49 for 75g/£4.65 for 100g. Outrageous.

Stockist: Holland & Barratt.

Type: High protein plant puff crisps.

USP: Made from split peas.

Thoughts: Smaller than expected, hard, not remotely cheesy. And they stink. No redeeming features whatsoever. Repulsive.

Rating: 0/5 can do better.

Would I buy them again? When hell freezes over.

Hippeas

Price: £1.10 for 22g/£5 per 100g

Stockist: Most of the big supermarkets except Sainsburys. Plus Planet Organic, Whole Foods, Spar and more.

Type: Chickpea puffs.

USP: They’re made from chickpeas.

Thoughts: The fact they rip the roof of my mouth to shreds because they’re so hard is reason alone to not bother. I’m just remorseful I inflicted them on my daughter for so long under the guise of health. If something is called a puff I want it to have the texture of a cloud (or a Wotsit).

Rating: 2/5

Would I buy them again? I’m waiting on the lining of the roof of my mouth to repair itself and then I’ll definitely seriously consider it.

Emily

Price: £1.10 for 18g/£6.11 per 100g. Presumably bigger bags, if they sell them, will bring the cost down.

Stockist: Holland & Barratt, Ocado, Planet Organic

Type: Seaweed crisps.

USP: Cheese seaweed.

Thoughts: The world is on fire as clowns run it but apparently there’s a market for cheese flavoured seaweed. I only tried two but they repeated on me for the rest of the day and haunted my dreams all week. My husband loved them but I’ve never trusted his judgement. Horrific.

Rating: 0/5

Would I buy them again? I regret buying them at all. The most horrific tasting and expensive ‘crisp’ I’ve ever tried. Incidentally I tried the salt and vinegar ones too which are much more palatable.

Peppa Pig

A bonus late entry discovered in Aldi featuring the irritating little pig, Peppa. They’re a cross between Hippeas and Tesco balls but less aggressive in both flavour and texture. Bonus points for being made from lentils if you’re into that sort of thing but I guess for a snack marketed at kids they’re a reasonable offering. The worst bit is the branding. 3/5.

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There you have it. Eleven vegan cheese flavoured crisps. Only three of which you could class as an actual crisp. The fact nachos, cauliflower, lentils and seaweed feature too is (possibly) a bonus.

Kettle Chips reign supreme. I hadn’t had them for years and they were as good as I remember. Simply Roasted would come in second and the heavy on the onion Tesco option will bring up the rear. The rest can fight it out amongst themselves.

I am ecstatic that cheese flavouring can be made with something other than cheese, a fact I would’ve turned my nose up at emphatically not that long ago. The only things I’ve ever associated yeast with are bread and infections so I’ve never been more grateful that it can also be used to make vegans and the lactose intolerant among us enjoy cheese crisps once more.